1. a lady never leaves the house without her lipstick on. (one of the only things my mother instilled in me that i can never follow, besides using the words "whom" instead of who or "uncouth")
2. never get stoned before an Album Leaf show.
3. men under 30 are useless. men over 30 are broken.
4. always collect any nude photos/videos of yourself otherwise they could end up in a frame on some random new yorker's desk.
5. daddy/mommy issues do exist.
6. tequila is not my friend, never has been.
7. always ride rollercoasters in the rain.
8. cats make great alibis.
9. use nicknames. you won't get confused and you won't get attached.
10. never date musicians... they are too sensitive for your liking.
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